Questions from a recently qualified sports diver

Crooked Island, 21 September 1997

1. Do all dive marshalls arrive 20 minutes late? 
2. When dive marshalls arrive at 9.50 do they always say that the late departure of the junk is due to the non-appearance of another club member? 
3. Is it the SCDC's junk's sole responsiblity to answer SOS calls from the boatman's friends? 
4. Does the choice of dive site alter willy-nilly, depending on where that SOS call might come from? 
5. When we have looked in vain for the boat in distress do we always continue to the dive site regardless, hoping that the people are safe and sound, thus engaging the club motto "Let the ******** drown!"? 
6. Should everyone be ready to dive as soon as we leave Tai Mei Tuk, or is it only the people who carry a ton of equipment? (Could she mean Brian perhaps? ed.) 
7. Are all the faulty, slowly self-inflating bcds given to newly qualified divers just to test their nerve and skill at 10 metres? 
8. Does Keith always see the biggest/best/most unusual fish? On this dive it wasn't the usual 12 foot stingray but a rare decorator shrimp. 
9. When you ask the club's experts (Brian Darvell) to identify a fish with, for instance, leopard-like skin, 1 foot in length, do they always reply with a culinary answer? - "Oh that's the one that's delicious steamed and served with spring onions and ginger." (Said with uncommon enthusiasm - shining eyes and droolimg) 
10. Are all dive marshalls so professional, responsible, and make our dive days so enjoyable, then abandon us all for the no-spitting, no-chewing life in Singapore? Neil you know we'd let you spit &
    chew on the junk anytime......